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Noel, New Year, and Ninety Degrees

Visitors

Christmas and New Years was filled with joy (and a lighter schedule) as my parents came to visit. They were troopers and managed to get here by themselves while I was in a difficult case and even grocery shopped for me on their way up. It pays to have globetrotting parents. 

We had an absolutely wonderful time hanging out, playing euchre, watching football, and of course….. cleaning out my fridge. I save all of the fun stuff for them 😉

It’s pretty hot and dusty here during the day so most of the late morning/afternoon we were holed up in the house hiding from the heat and air pollution, but we ventured out to walk the dog, play some pickleball, and meet some other people on compound.

Needless to say, Bissap was thrilled to have company all day when I was at work and got absolutely spoiled with gifts, love, and treats. And she managed to not bite even one person! Hooray!

 

 

New Year is always a time of self reflection, I think for me and most people. As a romantic/sensitive person, I always like the idea of looking back on a specific season and trying to pull one or two specific things out of it. I think this is why I love the “Google year in search” that comes out at the end of every year.  *seriously if you haven’t watched these, you should, and you will cry*

For me I think this year has been about perseverance. I think culturally, we have been trained in a “you do you” mentality as in “if something feels bad or uncomfortable, don’t do it or stop doing it or run away” But this year has taught me the value of sitting in the hard. Of pushing and molding and growing.

*I want to stop here and emphasize that this very clearly does not apply to abuse of any kind and one should never feel pressure to stay in that situation*

 

 

 

 

But I do think there is value in doing hard things. I don’t think it always has to be hard and if a season is easier it is not wrong to enjoy that too. I think its easy to feel guilty and want to ‘suffer as Jesus suffered’ and bare our crosses, but I also think Jesus laughed and had friends and ate good meals. However I think a mentality of only every doing what feels good and never enduring hardship will lead us to a shallow relationship with our Savior and the world He created. I think this year has reminded me of why that is important, of the value of sitting in hard things and how it can shape and grow me as a person and as a follower of Christ. 

I know most of my posts focus on the hard parts, but let me just say, there are many many joyful parts as well. I naturally lean into joy and energy every day so on writing these, the introspection brings out the hard things. 

Romans 3-5 There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! (MSG)

Patient spotlight

I had a 14 year old boy, K, who was sent to me from another ex-pat who works in a small village. He had a large tumor on his hand and they had seen multiple other surgeons who all said they would amputate. She had known me from a previous case of a woman with breast cancer so she send K to me to see if I had any other ideas. Weirdly, we had a biopsy that said no malignancy. 

After multiple consults with friends in the states who are hand surgeons, other missionary surgeons, and prayer we decided it was worth a try to save the hand. After all, what would we lose. The smile that broke across K’s face when I told him we would try TERRIFIED ME. I had just given him hope and now I was feeling the pressure.

We saw him a week later, the day my parents were to arrive, and resected the mass and sent to pathology. Then began a long couple weeks of wound vacs and then a skin graft. Remarkably, he actually did quite well and the graft so far has taken over 90%. 

We had some ups and downs. This is a hard and scary  and painful thing to go through as a 14 year old. I am just praying for healing and for final pathology to be benign, please join me in this prayer. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What I’m Reading/Listening to/watching

 

    • Music: Josh Garrels, Jayne Sugg, OneRepublic, literally anything that helps me run faster. 
    • Reading “zero stars, do not recommend”, “I’ve Got Questions” by Erin Moon! this one isn’t out yet but I pre-ordered it, so it counts. 
    • Watching Scrubs, Shrinking, Remarkable Life of Ibelin (cried multiple times). Obviously Football, Go Lions, and Basketball, Go Gators.
    • Podcasts: The Bible for Normal People, Faith Adjacent, We Can Do Hard Things

 

Prayer Requests

    • New Surgical Residents who started in January. That they would find community and feel poured into by the staff. That they would continue to grow in their learning and their walk with Christ
    • The pathology on K’s hand to come back benign. I am on pins and needles as I write this because it could be any moment. Either way, God already knows and that is a comfort.
  •  
    • Continuing to prepare my heart for departure. It is hard to believe but starting to feel real. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tikkun Olam

Tikkun Olam

I currently have an OBGYN friend Anne Gray staying with me for the past month… and when things have been hard or hopeless or frustrating, we have gotten in the habit of saying Tikkun Olam. She introduced me to this as I was struggling through the meaning of some hard patient cases and outcomes. Wondering what was the actual point of it all and did it actually matter. Tikkun Olam (translated to Tikkun – repair or fix or improve. Olam – all of the time or world) is a Jewish teaching that is any activity the improves or heals the world. It is the idea that we get to be a part of bringing heaven down to Earth. A part of bringing creation back into harmony. Whether that is a soul coming to know their Savior, or a leg being rid of an infection and remade with new skin…. each of these things can be considered Tikkun Olam. So I’m reminding myself, while it may not be much… each act is a morsel of God’s goodness coming down to earth. And that matters a whole lot. 

 

“God is serious business, take him seriously; he’s put the earth in place and it’s not moving. So let Heaven rejoice, let Earth be jubilant, and pass the word among the nations, God Reigns!. Let Ocean, all teeming with life, bellow, let Field and all its creatures shake the rafters; Then the trees In the forest will add their applause to all who are pleased and present before God — he’s on his way to set things right!” 1 Chronicles 16:30-33 MSG

 

 

It’s great to have good friends.

Futures

Many of you have probably already heard, but after my time here in Togo I will be moving back to the US. I have matched into a surgical critical care fellowship at MUSC in Charleston SC. 

What does this mean? For at least a year, starting August 2025 I will be working to further my training in a surgical ICU. The big question is, what about after? Only God knows. Anyone who knows me knows I love control and so God and I usually have an understanding that He only gives me one step at a time so that I don’t get ahead of myself. I rather like this agreement. It leaves space for adventure and peace and freedom. The option exists to stay at least another year in Charleston so that is tempting.

I have already looked up churches, coffee shops that open before 7 am, and trying not to look up housing yet. I also discovered that there IS A PUBLIX IN CHARLESTON WHICH IS THE BEST NEWS EVER.  I digress…. that’s when you know you’re an adult…. excited about grocery stores…..

 

Patient spotlight

One year ago, an 8 year old girl showed up at our hospital. She was knocking on death’s door. She had had multiple surgeries at another hospital and came to us malnourished, with a large enterocutaneous fistula. That means her stool was leaking out of her bowel just onto her stomach and skin. This is a hard problem in the best of circumstances and this was far from that. We have no access to nutrition by vein (which is what we would likely do in the US). I held her case cautiously in my heart and hoped against hope that she survived. None of us thought she would. But little by little. She got better. Suddenly 3 months later she was discharged on a diet. We still couldn’t fix her fistula, she had to be much stronger before that. Well, she got stronger. And one year later, about a week ago, she came back for her surgery. It took 6.5 hours and we had to do 3 bowel anastamoses and 3 repairs, which is A LOT. And she got better, and was discharged. And now she is seeing me on tuesday and hopefully going home. Her family is Muslim. We have talked about God’s plan for Bassira’s life many times. I have thanked her father for caring enough about her to bring her to us. In this culture, little girls are rarely valued, and this family not only brought her, spent money on her, and kept following up to see her get better. I always say, hope is a dangerous thing, but man is it beautiful. 

Prayer Requests

  • That I would settle in to my last 9 months here and enjoy it
  • That I would not feel lonely as my close friends here transition to furlough and I am living alone again before the next round comes back.
  • For Bassira to continue to heal well and know a Savior who loves her and fought for her
  • For a conference I have coming up with Samaritan’s Purse in Greece in a few weeks

What am I watching/reading/listening to

  • Gator Football of course
  • Great British Bake Off 
  • Rings of Power
  • The Making of Biblical Womanhood by Beth Allison Barr
  • Long Way Home by Ray LaMontagne

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Reflections On A Year.

 

Things I have learned after being here in Togo for one year.

  • Always turn the light on if you are getting up at night. Guys… you just don’t know. Two weeks after I arrived there was a snake in my bedroom so this is a quintessential rule. No way am I risking being surprised by anything in the middle of the night no matter how much it hurts my eyes. 

 

  • Sometimes buying frosted mini wheats for $20 is worth it.

 

  • I actually literally have some of the best friends and family in the world. I’m sure everyone says this, but for me its actually true. I have never felt so supported and loved as I have going through hard things 4,000 miles away and having people “show up” for me however they can.

 

  • Basically, you can learn anything on youtube. Either how to do a complex sphincter repair, or become a dog trainer.

First day in the OR in Togo. Look at that fresh excited smiling face, she has no idea what’s coming….

 

  • Getting a roommate has positives and negatives.
    • Positives
      • They might be Great British Bake Off level bakers which will lead to delicious treats after a hard day of work
      • They can listen to all of your rants
      • Accountability for ab workouts
      • While living with someone, it’s harder to hide your true feelings so you are forced to actually confront and deal with them…. which I guess is a good thing.
      • You have someone to do half of the dishes. (she probably did more than half, lets be real)
    • Negatives
      • You will likely gain 20 lbs
      • You may forget how to take care of yourself at all when they leave you for 6 months.
      • There is someone to argue the opposing view and hold you accountable during your rants (if I was a better Christian I would put this in the positives)
      • You will get behind on your podcasts
      • You cant leave your stuff all over the place, which, people who know me know I love to do that.

 

 

 

  • It is remarkable what you can do with just some suture, some pickups and a needle driver. Surgery is truly an incredible profession.

 

  • God can do a lot with a good attitude and availability.

 

  • Sometimes, you might not know how to do something, but if you know the first step, start there.

 

  • I am capable of more than I thought.

 

  • Use your resources! I used to joke with people I met in residency that I would call them some day when I was overseas and I meant it. My urology friends and pediatric surgery friends have answered the phone at whatever hour to help me problem solve and walk me through something. They have all been more than happy to be involved and usually go above and beyond.

 

  • Drink water. Seems obvious. But important.

 

  • Be quick to say “I don’t know, but I will find out”

 

  • Freeze mangoes during season when they are $1 for 6

 

  • Don’t get a dog. Or get a dog. I still can’t decide if it’s the best thing or worst thing I did. Usually depends on the day. Today as I sit here typing in my house alone and she is curled up next to me, I’m thankful.

 

  • ALWAYS refill your ice trays when you finish them…. You will not remember the next morning and you will regret it later.

 

  • Throughout many situations this year, God has reminded me of why he made me the way I am. He made me bold and loud and passionate and on fire. He made me to push boundaries and ask hard questions. He made me thoughtful and inquisitive and creative and boisterous. However, this year He has also taught me the value of gentleness, of quiet kindness, of listening to other opinions and of deciding that sometimes a relationship is more important than being right.

 

  • And finally, my current mantra every morning… we can do hard things.

What I’m Reading/Watching/Listening to

 

  1. Field Notes for the Wilderness – Sarah Bessey
  2. Kingdom of Ash – Sarah J Maas
  3. My mom’s 2nd book 
  4. Iron Chef – Netflix
  5. Slow Horses – Apple TV
  6. Last Week Tonight  – HBO
  7. Podcast- Theology in the Raw 
  8. Podcast-  Sermon Series from Northpoint “What the World Needs Now”
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More tzatziki please? And other things….

 

March

The end of March brought a little bit of rain and a big surgery. Last blog I sent, I had asked for prayer about a little girl named Afi. The surgery was a great success, the tumor was completely removed, and she recovered well. I just saw her in clinic this week and she was smiling and almost completely healed. The pathology came back negative for cancer. This is a huge win. I got to tell her mom that her daughter will get to have a normal life and we got to thank God together for bringing the pieces of his Kingdom together to “leave the 99 to seek out the 1” (paraphrased). God truly did move mountains. Thank you for the prayer

 

April

April brought a push towards Greece as our entire medical team left the compound to head to the CMDE conference in Kos. I got to see old friends and eat Greek food and see the acropolis. 

I learned multiple things that I have already put into practice here, which, medical people know, anything that changes the way you practice is a pretty big deal so those lectures were indeed fruitful. 

Mostly I felt refreshed by rekindling sweet relationships, meeting new people and swimming in the Aegean Sea any chance I could get. 

I ate an incredible amount of tzatziki and my goal was mostly achieved that my blood was more tzatziki than RBC by the time I left. 

I got to horseback ride in the ocean (stay tuned for photos) and got to hang out with my mom a little bit on either side as she was in Togo again helping out with Bissap and a monkey. She truly looked like a zookeeper when I arrived home.

 

 

May

May has brought mango season! yay! AND birthday month. Which I have been milking for all it is worth. 

I have also started looking forward to the next steps. In reflecting on the future, I have decided the next season of life will take me back to the US. Maybe for a short while or a long while. In all seriousness, only God knows. I am currently interviewing for Trauma/Critical Care surgery fellowships to see if that is a good option for my transition back to the states. Please pray for guidance and discernment in that. (more on the next post)

Bissap is doing well. She is keeping me busy with walks and playing and personality. But also an excellent snuggler and a lot of fun to play with. She will be one year old next month!

In other updates, a few posts ago I told everyone that I had been praying for God to “breathe life into an anal sphincter” and I am happy to report that HE DID!! Our rectovaginal fistula repair now has a normal life back with control of her bowels and I did a lot of fist pumps and screaming, which the patient and staff found very entertaining

What I’m reading/watching/listening to….

  • Field Notes For The Wilderness, Practices for an evolving faith, by Sarah Bessey
  • Beyonce’s album on repeat
  • Just a lot of surgical textbooks right now……
  • Rewatching Friends, and some new cooking shows.
  • Hacks
  • Loot

 

“There isn’t anywhere you’ve been and there isn’t anywhere you’re going where you’re not at home in God’s love. The wilderness is home to God, even the wilderness inside you. Your life is already a place where God is quite at home.” Sarah Bessey

Prayer requests:

  • Exams for our surgical residents coming up
  • Upcoming trip to the states in July
  • Discernment with Interviews for future plans
  • If anyone knows some surgeons interested in serving, we will be pretty tight this summer with a team of 2, so please send them our way!

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Moving Mountains

 

Moving Mountains

Let me tell you a story…. About a month ago, a little girl, Afi, came to see me. She is 4 month old and a very happy little girl. Her mother and grandmother brought her in. She was born with a mass near her sacrum, and it had grown significantly. As soon as she was born, her father left the family and said that he wanted nothing to do with her. The family spent 4 months scrounging enough money together to come see us in clinic. 

When I saw her, I honestly didn’t know exactly what I was looking at. I had a few guesses, but as many of my medical colleagues who know me have found out in the last year, I pooled my resources and sent photos and the story to some pediatric surgeons I know. They responded that we needed further imaging but likely this would be a very complicated surgery to do, too complicated for me to do. 

I sent the patient with instructions to get a CT scan and come back to clinic, not knowing that they had barely enough money to get here, let alone enough to get further imaging. 

 

One of the pediatric surgeons I had contacted continued to ask me about how she was doing and I had said I was waiting on a CT. She, the peds surgeon, then happened to see that a specialist pediatric surgeon she met was on a Mercy Ship in Sierra Leone, down the coast and a 3 hour flight from me here in Togo. We were put in contact and the specialist had said he would be willing to do the operation if I could get the patient to him in Sierra Leone.

At that point I felt like this was unlikely to happen. To get this baby and mom passports, visas, etc… seemed completely insurmountable. Worse… we had lost contact with the family and their phone was shut off. We had no way to find them or contact them. 

 

As this pediatric surgeon was nearing the end of his stint on Mercy Ship, he contacts me again to try and get the child to him. I reply with all of the problems and the unlikelihood of getting passports etc…. in almost a complete joke, I float the idea that if we could get someone here, that would be much easier. He responded that he would look into making a “pit stop” on his way home from Sierra Leone to Montreal. I was speechless. Anyone who knows me, knows how rare that is. I was dancing around the room. 

But now…. I REALLY need to find the patient. So I contact my Togolese colleagues and rally the forces to find this child. The next day, I get the news that we found her and she is. coming to clinic on  Monday (2 days ago). I see the patient and confirm that the mother would be agreeable to surgery. She agrees with tears in her eyes. 

I informed the pediatric surgeon who I had initially contacted and she immediately sent me the money to cover this child’s complete surgery, hospital bill and imaging. 

When I tell you the the Lord was opening doors, man did I feel it. I kept thinking “this cannot be possible” but God kept opening the next door and I just kept walking forward.

Long story long., the surgery will be this Saturday, the day before Easter. The surgeon is flying in on Friday, operating Saturday, and flying out on Sunday. Can you even believe this? I only can because I know how much God loves this little girl. Please pray for me and the team as we operate on Saturday, pray that they feel cared for, loved, and that they matter in the eyes of the Kingdom of God. 

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In The Wilderness.

It’s been a while.

Do you hear the song by Staind every time you read that? I do. Anyways I digress, it has been a while because I have been busy and also went on a vacation. My parents visited for a month, I went to South Africa on vacation, and we started a surgical residency! A pretty big start to 2024. 

My parents were able to come and visit for Christmas and I appreciate all of the people who were praying for their time. They managed to survive the heat and the mosquitos mostly unscathed. They got to meet Bissap, which was mostly a positive experience (more on that later). They visited church, met my community, went on some hikes, ate fufu, abused the A/C in my house….. All of the African staples. It was really a sweet time sharing my life here with them. 

I then went on vacation to South Africa for a safari! It was really incredible to experience creation and get to see some of these animals up close in their environment. Stay tuned for some cool pictures. I will say it’s the first time I’ve been on a vacation where I chose to wake up at 4am multiple times!

Also in big news, we started a PAACS program! (Pan African Academy of Christian Surgeons) whichis a surgical residency program. I am beyond excited for this, teaching is one of my favorite things so I’m thrilled to get to pour into the next generation of African Surgeons. What a treat to be part of this special occasion. God is good. 

Life Stressors

I’m at the 7 month mark, which I have heard is kind of a marker where things get harder and I am feeling it. I’m through the honeymoon period and into the wilderness. Jesus spent a lot of time in the wilderness so I at least know I’m not alone in it. There are a multitude of things going on: starting a new residency with a new schedule, I’m moving houses in the next two weeks, and most stressful, my dog has developed some behavioral issues. Man guys, is this what having kids is like? I don’t know about that. I can at least put Bissap in a crate and control the situation that way. 80% of the time she is wonderful, but her african wildness has come out a little bit and we have had to take some steps back from playing with children and gotten into serious training. Sounds kind of petty as I type this, but it is a huge part of my life right now so I am including it. 

 

 

Finding the opportunity in the opposition.

My devotional right now is very conveniently focusing on “The Wilderness”. Jesus started his ministry in two big ways. He first was reminded of who he was, he was reminded that He is the beloved Son of God. The next thing he did was go out into the wilderness and was tempted for 40 days. Both of these things laid the foundation of his future ministry. Jesus needed to be confident is his identity but also resilient in the face of adversity. So here I am, trying to look at my wilderness as an opportunity for growth. How are these challenges sharpening my walk with the Lord? I am learning to see the opportunity in the opposition.

“I cried out, “I am slipping!” but your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me.
When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer”

Psalm 94:18-19 NLT

 

Patient Spotlight

I’m currently taking care of a 22 yo woman who had a 4th degree tear during a childbirth one year ago that was not repaired well. I actually saw her about 5 days after I arrived here in June but she decided to put off surgery until now, which I was very happy about because now I have an OBGYN here to help me, Dr. Anne. So it was her first baby, she had a tear all the way through her sphincter muscles which was not repaired at all. So basically her vagina and rectum were connected to each other and she was completely incontinent. Can you even imagine? I can’t.
After many discussions with my attendings in Detroit and other people who know a lot more than I do, and some studying, we took her to the OR on Monday to try and separate her vagina from her rectum and repair that sphincter to give try and give her some semblance of a normal life again. The case went as smoothly as possible, so I would ask that you join me in prayer that God would breath life into those sphincter muscles! (thats the first time I’ve prayed that specific prayer, but man am I praying it now!!) 

Some photos from vacation and the last 3 months!

 

What I’m Reading/Listening to/watching

  • I was watching the Detroit Lions in the playoffs…..
  • Rewatching Parks and Rec as a comfort blanket, watching new Queer Eye season
  • Reading Perelandra and The People’s Hospital
  • Watched Barbie, loved it.
  • Listening to: Motown playlist, No Bad Dogs podcast, Renee Rapp

 

 

 

South Africa

First day of PAACS!

< Touring around Lome

Mom, Dad, Aunt Brenda on safari >

SA vistas.

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An Exercise in Failure.

 

This is hard. I am tired. Did someone warn me that this would be hard? I’m sure they did.  Two months ago, I was the “glass half full” team member. I would say “Yay! no fevers!” and someone else on the team would say “But white count is climbing.” I would say “No signs of a leak!” and my team member would say “Not yet…. it’s only POD 1”. And I have found over the past two weeks that I have been moving that direction. I am starting to say and feel the “Not yet…..” in my heart. It has been a string of hard cases, a string of late days, a string of patients that continue to deteriorate no matter what we do or maybe we made a hard call and it didn’t go well. It’s hard not to feel the mounting of all of these negative outcomes. (Why is it so much easier to remember the bad cases?) And it’s harder when the “negative outcome” likely for me means that someone died or is going to die. How do I move past coding a 23 year old who had a tiny hole in his intestine but waited too long to come in and 3 days later he’s dead…to the next patient and not letting all your past experience taint how you are going to treat them. How do you continue to have hope when hope keeps burning you at every other turn?  And it’s so much harder to keep hoping than to just not hope at all. And how do I have any confidence in my decisions when things keep ending badly, wounds keep getting infected, people keep getting sicker?

So is this all an exercise in failure? I’m coming around to the understanding that it is not.

 

This probably requires a re-framing of success and failure. In the states, success was healing people, fixing problems, cutting the bad stuff out and getting people better. Here, I can do the surgery for the infection, but they have bad diabetes so they can’t heal the wound, so it gets infected again. And their diabetes is so bad because all they eat is rice, but they can only afford rice and their nutrition is terrible so they need to eat, but all they can afford is rice, which worsens their blood sugars and makes it impossible to heal a wound. So what do I do now. Well. What can I do? It may sound trite, but what I can offer is love. Compassion. A hand to hold. A person stepping in and saying “I care about you because there is a God who created you and you matter just as much as anyone else.” And I guess the question is…. is that enough? And I guess we will find out.

 

 

 

So where does that leave me. How do I make decisions when I feel like it wont even matter?

I will take heart knowing that God knows my trouble, but encourages me to continue taking heart anyways. 

And, I will borrow words from the wise Anna of Arendelle and just “do the next right thing”

This post is maybe sounding a little more dramatic than necessary. I am actually happy and doing well and happy as all of these photos will suggest. I just need a good sleep, a nice thanksgiving meal tomorrow, and to watch “The Holiday” on Friday to kick off my Christmas spirit. All will be well. 

What I’m Watching/Reading/Listening to

  • Reading Out of the Silent Planet
  • Watching Love is Blind. (listen… I know it’s trash, BUT I value honesty and vulnerability so I’m going to be honest and vulnerable… this is a safe space)
  • Also watching: Lessons in Chemistry and College football
  • Listening to Shania Twain’s album “Come on Over” as requested to be added to my OR playlist by my colleague Drew. 

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Bigger Circles

 

This last month has been a lot of ups and downs. Some really high highs and some lows. Luckily the lows have mostly been short-lived with a good cry, a danceparty, and some deep prayer. I think there is a part where you start to feel settled and like you have things under control and then a wave just crashes into you and pulls you under for a bit. In those moments, I am learning to take a moment and be real with God and my team with where I’m at. I think I sometimes have tried to hide being “too emotional” or having a hard time, but am constantly reminded that that is how I was created and it’s ok to feel my feelings. God has been really faithful with putting people into my life to speak those truths, and remind me that He is in those moments. He has also been faithful to give me some good wins this month to sustain me through the losses. 

 

Drawing Circles

Two of my separate studies this past month have focused on the story of the woman at the well. I have really appreciated reminding myself of Jesus, who steps out of the “cultural norms” and makes a woman feel seen. Pretty crazy to think this is the first time He actually reveals to someone who He really is, and reminds me that in that moment, He did not want her to have any confusion about who was offering her living water. No parables. No stories. He just clearly says “I am He”. And her response is to immediately forget all of the reasons she was running away from society and hiding. Meeting Jesus was revolutionary enough that it upended everything for her. In a culture where I feel like we are obsessed with drawing lines between people (even sometimes in churches, maybe even mostly), I am reminded that Jesus was always drawing circles, including more people. I hope I can continue to be more like Jesus and keep drawing my circles bigger and bigger.

Updates

We have officially moved into the discipline stage of the puppy life. She is wiId. I have been having a lot of fun, but there is just about 1.5 hours in the evening when she is out of control. I have been told by parents here that I sound like I have a toddler. 

We had a women’s weekend in the capital where we were able to shop (not for groceries, thank goodness) and hang out together. I got all of the women together to play a game of musical chairs “never have I ever” and they did not disappoint. There were multiple times when people ended up on the ground, so the competitive spirit is alive and well, which you all know is my vibe. 

Work is going well, we have been busy! I’m still doing about 50% surgeries that I’ve never done before, BUT I would say that I’m getting comfortable feeling uncomfortable. Also, one of my side jobs of organizing the supply closet, is teaching me about which fruits of the spirit I need to work on! Always good to be reminded.

 

This face……

Lome beach!

Patient Spotlight

A man came in with a machete injury around 3am. I quickly evaluated him, then grabbed a textbook about fixing eyelids while they got the patient under anesthesia. I spent a while channeling my OMFS and plastics training. the right eyelid was in half, and left ear almost completely in half with exposed cartilage. Unsure if he would be able to see again.

I am thrilled to report that I just got to see him and remove his sutures and everything looks great! Even better, he has complete vision in that eye. God is good. 

 

What I’m watching/listening to/reading

  1. Gators Football (obviously) chomp chomp
  2. Dog training youtube videos
  3. Great British Bake Off
  4. Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis
  5. All the normal podcasts, Andy Stanley, Faith Adjacent, For the Love.

 

Prayer requests

  • My grandmother has had a couple of falls recently, so prayers for healing and stability
  • Connectedness- feeling like I can still stay connected to my friends and family back in the states
  • We have an 8 year old girl with a bad abdominal fistula. Prayers for weight gain, good nutrition and guidance for how our team can best help her.
  • Continued team support and that we can get things ready to have residents start in January!

 

 

Posted on

The Operating Room Has A/C

A little A/C goes a long way.

Maybe you guys have experienced something similar to this? You feel crabby and overwhelmed and you have a snack and realize maybe it’s not so bad and you just needed some popcorn?

Well… For me, it’s a nice blast of air conditioning. There have been many points of feeling overwhelmed, stretched, frustrated… but it’s amazing what the feeling of cold air hitting your face can do for your soul and  bring you back from the edge. 

I thank God for A/C. And a pool……both of which have helped me feel refreshed and renewed here in Togo over the past two months. 

I have been here two months. Some really great days, some really hard days. Some of the stuff I expected to be hard and were easy, and some vice versa. I have really loved being back in the OR (which does have A/C most days), although also a site of frustration and self-evaluation. A place where a year ago felt like my domain and my realm has become a place where I second guess myself and 50% of the time am reading about a procedure I’ve never done before the night before (if I’m lucky enough to have lead time to plan). 

God’s saving grace has been my team. Dr. Jack and Dr. Brandon are the other surgeons I work with most days. We also have another surgeon who consults on the really complicated stuff, Dr. Tom. They have been so kind, so available, so encouraging. I really feel supported, which is the only way to actually thrive in this environment. I often love being able to look back and see what God was doing and why He sent me certain places, and I know He has me here because He knows I love a good team. I have learned so much from these colleagues already, and mostly just learned that it’s ok to ask for help. It’s ok to say “I don’t know, but I’ll do the best I can” and sometimes it’s just nice to have someone else stumbling through it with you, together.

 

I did my first solo hysterectomy this week and am getting more and more comfortable on my own. The pathology here is crazy, as expected, but some things are definitely harder than expected. I have had full clinic days of telling people they have inoperable cervical/breast/stomach cancer. Days where I question if I can actually help anyone. And those days are the days that God is so present with me in the patient rooms. I can say to a patient “I cannot offer you anything surgically, but I can offer you the hope of a God who loves you.” It’s still hard. But thats exactly why I’m here. 

 

But, like, what do you do for fun?

I get this question a lot. And it is a fair question. I have been reading a lot more books, also still watching Netflix (yes, I get Netflix here…. I’m not THAT far off the map). I cook, we have game nights and ice cream Saturdays. We go on some local hikes around to waterfalls and local lookouts. We walk “up the mountain” near the compound and watch the sunrise. We  play sports. We go to market. Not a lot of restaurants, but do have guest house chef’s who, I hear, make a mean fried chicken for Sunday lunch that I will probably try out tomorrow. 

Also just keeping in touch with my people. Trying to still be present in their (your) lives even if I can’t physically be there. Video chats and phone calls and sending memes and videos back and forth. It seems simple, but I really do still cherish those little connections.

Also, keep reading for the other thing keeping me busy….

 

Patient Spotlight

It’s honestly hard to choose just one. The first who comes to mind is a patient who I saw in clinic. I did an exam which was honestly confusing…. So I called for help and backup. Another surgeon also did the exam and was equally perplexed. She was boarded for multiple different things, basically a possible this possible that, depending on what we found. She ended up having a fibroma in her uterus which had prolapsed completely through her cervix, basically like an hourglass. We ended up doing a hysterectomy and piecemeal removing this fibroma (benign tumor of uterus) slowly but surely. We kept remarking at how this woman was walking around with this tumor the size of my head in her pelvis. People here have a remarkable tolerance of pain and discomfort. I just got to discharge her yesterday and she had the biggest smile on her face. She was always up walking out of bed like I had told her to do and always so thankful. I got to pray with her and her husband and it was a great day. 

 

By far, the most exciting addition…. is Bissap. She is a little wild African pup that I have adopted and has absolutely stolen the hearts of everyone. I got her at 6 weeks old and was actually terrified about keeping her alive, but here we are two weeks later and she is thriving. Already much fatter and is well loved by everyone on compound. Bissap (Bee-sap) is a hibiscus flower here that is used to make tea, I wanted a small callback to my previous dog, Flower, so I picked a Togolese flower as a name. We call her “B” for short. She has brought a lot of joy and laughs and companionship. I now have something that relies on me to keep it alive. (I guess besides my patients on the OR table)

What I’m reading/watching/listening to
  • Still doing bible study with my college girlfriends on “He Loved Them”
  • Still reading Fate of Africa
  • Listening to “For the Love” podcast by Jen Hatmaker, and “Joy” podcast by Craig Ferguson
  • New Lauren Daigle album AND new Olivia Rodrigo album. Very eclectic mix over here
  • Enjoying watching Brooklyn 99 and The Guardians of the Galaxy Trilogy

 

 

Prayer requests
  • Resiliency on the hard days
  • Discernment for future steps
  • Continued deepening of community and friendships…. you know how much I love people. 
  • Continued learning and growth as a surgeon

Posted on

Je Suis Arrivée

Made it

I have finally made it. After planning to come here almost two years ago, I am finally in Togo. 

The travel was as seamless as possible, it was a long journey, but overall very smooth and easy. Customs was a cakewalk, I didn’t even get stopped for all of the sutures (it helped that it was super busy at the airport! Blessings in disguise) I promptly met my contact in Togo and we went and got cheeseburgers. It was lovely.  I got to see the beach and all of the ships at port before grabbing some groceries and heading up to Tsiko, which is where the hospital is. 

I had a lovely little welcome party. A friend from medical school, Liza, is currently here too and all of the kids made a sign to welcome me. They also gave me a bunch of groceries, including but not limited to: caribou coffee (!!!!), flour, honey, Ranch dressing and Reese’s Puff cereal. I have never eaten Reese’s Puff cereal, but I have thoroughly enjoyed basically having dessert for breakfast for the past week.

Back at it.

I arrived on a Friday night. I promptly went on Saturday morning to round at the hospital, anyone who knows the work version of me is not surprised by this. I got to meet a bunch of people at the hospital, everyone was very gracious and kind and complimentary of my French (albeit they are likely too kind to say otherwise).

I have now been at the hospital two weeks. I have already had some very hard cases, some really incredible cases, and some cases I’m feeling hopeful about. It has come back much easier than I expected. I really didn’t believe people when they told me it was just like “riding a bike”…. But I have to say, it kind of is. There have definitely been some humbling moments and I’m definitely dealing with some imposter syndrome, but I’m fairly certain that that is par for the course when you become an attending and move across the world. 

Seeing God’s faithfulness in getting me to this point has truly been a joy. The people here care deeply for each other and this community and I’m very excited that I get to join them. 

This is my house!

Patient Spotlight

I’ll try and highlight at least one case when I write these blogs. I’ll start with a young man who seemed to have a bowel obstruction. 26 years old, no hernias and no previous surgeries which are the most common reasons. We were concerned about some sort of bowel perforation or twist so we went to the OR. When we got in the abdomen, I had no idea what I was looking at. Everything was stuck everywhere, I could not make heads or tails of where anything was. There were abscesses everywhere. The scrub techs said this is what typhoid looked like. When it became apparent that the more we tried to separate everything, the more damage we were causing, we decided to put in drains and get out of the OR. I was fairly concerned that he was not going to do well. 

I was glad to see him doing ok the next morning, definitely sore, but alive. Fast-forward to 2 days ago when he was doing laps around the hospital with a huge smile plastered on his face. He’s still not out of the woods completely, but I’m still so surprised at what the body is capable of enduring. 

What I’m Reading/Listening To

  • He Loved Them – Discovering Jesus’ Heart for Seekers, Sinners, Doubters, and the Discouraged by Jessica Thompson
  • Always everything on The Bible Binge podcast
  • Andy Stanley’s current series “The Fundamental List” is still giving me life.
  • The Fate of Africa

Prayers

  • Settling in. It has still been a huge adjustment and I am oscillating between being overwhelmed and thrilled.
  • Developing community and relationships: with my medical team but also with the other hospital staff as I am trying to develop good relationships as a newcomer
  • A difficult case coming up with a young women who has a complication from a difficult birth a month ago
  • Transitioning back to living alone again and not feeling too isolated. 

 

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