Blog - ToGo With Launa

January 10, 2023

New year. Same me.

“Hope is not foolish, it’s not foolish, it is brave. It’s audacious maybe, but it’s not foolish.” – Jen Hatmaker

2023

I love New Years Eve. I don’t know exactly what it is but something about a fresh start and a new slate and a new opportunity to write a different story. I know you can always take the opportunity to make changes, but for some people, that little push can be what they need. I don’t necessarily mean resolutions, I rarely make those, but just a chance to reflect on what you want to be known for or what you want this next year to look like. It’s a beautiful thing.

I feel incredible joy to have gotten to use this time to reflect on the last year. It has been a whirlwind… finishing residency, moving to a new continent, PASSING BOARDS (praise Jesus), and learning a new language.

On the other hand, this year has been tough for a lot of people. It has been filled with much sadness and fear. A season of realizing that things will never be the same “after” a global pandemic and of finding a “new normal” or “next normal”. I found solace in a quote from Jen Hatmaker about hope. That hope is not foolish, and it is audacious and brave. That struck me because I have absolutely felt that hope can be foolish but this quote actually made sense to me. To look hard things straight on and still hope is scary, but incredibly brave. So here’s to being brave in 2023.

To kick off the new year I had the opportunity to go to Thailand and spend some time with my great friend Jessica. I was reminded just how lucky I am to have close friendships and good community, even if we are across the world. We swam in the ocean, saw incredible fish, sea snakes (yikes!), sharks and a sea turtle. Drank water straight out of a coconut, laughed, danced, and talked about what God is doing in our lives. I will always try to remember how rare the treasure of good friendships are and cherish each and every opportunity.

I have started reading Harry Potter in French! Apparently “Wingardium Leviosa” is the same in French as in English. You’re welcome.

Spent actual Christmas with new friends in France. Got to be called “Aunt Launa” which is my favorite.

Being away from family for the holidays can be hard. I tried to make up for it with Swiss Christmas Markets.

Still eating all of the croissants. Sometimes with ice cream.

November 15, 2022

Buckle up.

Buckle Up. It’s a long one.

Wow. I have honestly been terrified of this season. Anticipating it like someone anticipates a colonoscopy (of which I have done many but never had done, but imagine is the same). I knew this season would feel unmoored. For the past five years I have known my role, been defined by it. I lived, breathed, laughed, cried, bled my job as a general surgeon. I went from being the go-to person on a surgery team to learning French and being able to communicate with a waitress at a five-year-old level. For years I was Dr. Clough, most recently the chief of a surgery team; here, I am just Launa, the bubbly loud American who will painstakingly struggle through the phrase “I would like another coffee please.”

It’s hard to explain the feeling of leaving a place where you are a valued and integral part of a team and becoming a random person on the sidewalk who maybe accidentally says “young” instead of “yellow” because, let me tell you, the words sound exactly the same.

It has been an adjustment and a humbling experience. I think about what an incredible gift God has given me to live for a while in the “in-between”. After five years of residency where my life was completely dictated by my job, I have now stepped out into a world where that part of me is completely irrelevant, at least for now.

While it has been hard to step away because at times I feel useless, I have also discovered how important it actually may be to do this hard work and get uncomfortable. For five years, I was one thing. There was a Launa before that, but I barely remember her. My value was so intertwined with being a resident, how my patients saw me, how my attendings saw me, how well I performed that operation, how quickly I could write my notes. And that was it. All of a sudden, that is completely gone. So now I have the gift of meeting myself again, rediscovering who I am separate from what I do for a job. It’s definitely scary, and I have absolutely felt lost in the past month, wondering if I mean anything alone in this foreign country. But what I have found is that I still like myself. I have found that my inherent value is in being God’s beloved, and that is not conditional on being a good surgeon.

I have thought about how so many people never have this chance. They live their whole lives thinking their intrinsic value comes from their work or their role in their family or their title. That is an even scarier and more dangerous thought, one that has cost many physicians their lives.

It is not lost on me what a privilege it is to get a taste of stepping away and I don’t plan on wasting it. I have discovered that people still like me, even if I am not their surgeon (maybe especially since I am not their surgeon?) I have qualities that exist that are separate from my laparoscopic skills and how fast I can finish rounds. What a relief.

I hope that everyone gets a chance to do this at some point, maybe not to the degree that I currently am, but at least reflect and feel the weight of where your value comes from. I hope they are met by a loving savior, who doesn’t care what your job is, if you’re single, if you’re rich, if you’re funny or well liked. He made a habit of calling the regulars to follow him. Probably everyone else in town what thinking “Really? He wants them? Is he sure?” And I know the answer is a resounding yes. I am beloved for who God created me to be, which includes being a surgeon; but it also includes every other part of me. I am excited to keep finding out more and more about those parts. (hopefully, that I’m loving and funny and witty and charming)

2 Timothy 1:9

But since I don’t have it all figured out yet… please keep praying that I make friends and find a good community to get connected with. The “in-between” can be a hard and lonely place. But it’s worth it.

October 5, 2022October 5, 2022

Bonjour!

I have finally arrived. It has been a long time coming! Switzerland has been a dream so far and I have enjoyed getting to settle in. I have been here about a week and the jet lag has worn off!

I have started my mornings by having quiet times with the Lord and enjoying these jaw-dropping views everywhere I look. –>

Everyone has been so kind, I have been invited over to many homes, keep reading to see about all of the cheese I am eating!

The first couple days were very rainy so I spent time getting settled into my new apartment.

On the first sunny day, I took the train to hike the Gorge De L’Areuse

The views were stunning. I felt like I was in the Lord of the Rings.

I, of course, took my satellite phone because safety is important.

You’re welcome mom.

The rest of the weekend I met people from church and ate cheese. So. Much. Cheese.

And guys…. this is only the beginning.

Les Cours Français!

French class started on Monday. We do not speak any English in the classroom at all. I am impressed by the patience of our instructors in watching us try and mime or roundabout talk through what we are trying to say.

It has been a lot of fun starting to learn another language. I have found that any words I don’t know in French my brain just fills them in with Spanish so it is very entertaining to listen to me try and speak French!

J’aime la Suisse!

Here is one of the most Swiss foods. It is called Raclette. It is like a tiny oven/griddle. Each person has a little spatula type thing and they put a slice of cheese on it to melt the cheese and then pour the melted cheese over potatoes. It is super delicious.

*Don’t worry, there will be more cheese pictures in the next post. I know that’s why most of you are here…..

*Also, not pictured is the Swiss chocolate. 4 o’clock is “chocolate time” so everyone pauses and has some chocolate. This is likely my favorite thing about Switzerland so far.

September 9, 2022September 9, 2022

AN END, AND THEN A NEW BEGINNING….

I have finally finished residency. It has been a long time coming. After five long years I finally graduated. Yay me! It was very bittersweet leaving Detroit. While residency was hard, I grew to love that city and I love so many of the people who are there. I am still very honored to be part of the DMC community. They supported, encouraged and helped me become the person, physician, and surgeon I am today. More importantly…. They helped me pass my first round of boards. Phew. No love lost there.

and now for the beginning….

I was given the wonderful opportunity to join some colleagues in beautiful Boone, NC for Samaritans Purse orientation. I met some truly incredible people, both fellow post-residents (which is what we are called in this program) and some wonderful speakers and leaders. It was a mix of really intense conversations about burnout and expectations, fun and laughing with peers, eating delicious food, and of course, being fake abducted and car-jacked. (this is not a joke, really tested my HR monitor on my watch)

They taught us a little bit about practicing outside of our comfort zone. They encouraged us to have zero expectations. We had some great lectures on theology of medicine, theology of suffering and theology of missions. It was a truly incredible experience, all of the fears that I had were just met time and time again by God’s overwhelming presence. There is nothing comparable to feeling like you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

There was something really beautiful about building this community of people who are all going out together. It is honestly hard to explain how deep and close we got in such a short time. I am very excited to see some of them in Switzerland and France in a few short months. I have a feeling these relationships will just grow deeper and deeper.

And also some goodbyes…..

One of the lectures we had was about saying “good goodbyes”. Especially coming off of five years spent mostly MIA, I spent some time seeing old friends (clarification: friends I have had for a while, they are actually very very young), meeting their kids, and enjoying some quality time talking about God’s next plan in my life. It is tough saying goodbye to people without knowing when the next time I will see them will be, but even better to feel supported and loved through the next season of life.

Next up, Switzerland!

So, for the next 3 weeks, I am hanging out with the ‘rents in Austin, doing a BBQ tour of the city, and heading out September 25.

Please be praying:

-for my oral boards coming up in November

-for Jesus to prepare my heart for this next chapter

-for good community building in Switzerland

-that I would still remember how to do surgery when I get to Togo!